Today’s email from another nurse

Actual Medical Charts

- The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

–Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

- The skin was moist and dry.

- Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

- She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

- Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

- The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

- I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

- The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

- Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

- Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

- She is numb from her toes down.

- Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

- While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

- The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

- The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

- Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

- Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.

- Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.

- Patient was alert and unresponsive.

- When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

A Birthday Present

  Himself is not the demonstrative type.  Birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries do not register on his radar.  When we first got together I cried for 3 days because he did not acknowledge my birthday.  He is thoughtful.  It’s just on his own peculiar timetable.  This year he gave me Valentine’s candy in January.  We are likely to celebrate Christmas at any time during the year and maybe more than once.

Yesterday when I got home from work there was a large brown box on the doorstep addressed to him.  I did not think anything of it as we both shop on-line frequently.  This morning he presented me with said brown box and announced that it was my birthday present.  My birthday was in February.

Before I reveal the contents of the box I have to wander off into another story.  For the past several years there have been 2 22-ounce plastic glasses in our kitchen. I think I may have picked them up at the grocery store for a dollar each.  For me they are the perfect size to fill with ice and Diet Coke or  tea and nurse for a couple of hours as I putter around.  There is almost always one at my elbow.  They have a nice pebbley texture that does interesting things with the light and facets that make them easy to grip.  They are lightweight and fit my hand perfectly.  Much to the amusement of Himself, I have been known ignore all the other glasses in the apartment and take one of these out of a dishwasher loaded with dirty dishes and wash it so I could use it.

The contents of the box?  24 glasses exactly like my favorite ones, 12 clear and 12 bottle green.   Do you think I should have anything to say about his fondness for a particular blue willow patterned coffee cup?

Maker Faire 09 San Mateo

Put several hundred creative , uncoventional people together  and you will have a Maker Faire.  It bills itself as a DIY festival.  All of the exhibiters are people who “make things”, everyone from beekeepers to farmers to electronic experts to musicians to knitters (of course).  Some people have described it as a grown-up science fair.  Sustainability and recycling are strongly emphasized as well as good times.

 I was with my pal, Kelley,of Ceallach Knits fame. (It is the Irish version of her name and is pronounced the same.) Kelley has her own business selling solar dyed yarn so I was pimping yarn and helping demonstrate the solar oven.

I’m fascinated by the steampunk aesthetic and it was a dominate theme of the faire.  This was across the parking lot from our booth.Wind coming off the Bay would cause it to rotate  and people would stand on the small platform in the central ring to pose for photos.  I couldn’t help but think of Sufis whenever I looked at it.

People were very friendly and open and did not mind posing for photos.  As someone who was making her own clothes before she was in high school I was fascinated by the steampunk costumes.  I want to dress like this.

There was the steampunk motorcycle.

Coming. . . . 

and going. . .

 

And the grandaddy of steampunk was fired up and driven around the fairgrounds in the evening after the crowds thinned out.  When they blew the whistle we all wished for earplugs

Alternative methods of transportation were popular.

There were a lot of musicians there.  Some we wanted to put out of their misery, others were quite good.  One of the most popular was Shovelman.

I thought of my electric-guitar-building brother-in-law when I saw him. (Andy, I have several other pictures if you want more detail  I don’t know if you can see it, he had a slide on his left hand.)  His music is featured in the video on the Maker Faire page linked at the beginning of this post.

Kids loved this guy singing pirate songs. (This one is for you, Judy.)

I haven’t figured out what this instrument is.  He played it with a bow and was accompanied by a guy with a banjo.

I don’t know who they were, but these guys were pretty good.  I couldn’t get the jug player into the frame from this angle.  There was also a rock band whose instruments and amplifiers were powered by people on bicycles.  The crowd was so thick around them I couldn’t get a good shot.

Robotics were big.  R2D2 toured the fairgrounds chasing little kids.  They loved it.

I enjoyed the remote controlled rolling balls.

Speaking of recycling, these are 2-liter soda bottles.

 

 

The flaming lotus was made by a group of female metal workers.

Farmers and gardeners were well represented.

As was a beekeeper and a man who sold houses for lady bugs.  I watched a woman demonstrate how to make home-made pasta and met a man from the Primitive Arts Society who is the only other person besides my grandmother I have ever seen tie a net.

 Kids had a blast playing on the big pink pillows.

There was a brewer who sold dark, rich beer that people said was good.  I think the brand was Devil’s Canyon.  His set-up reminded me of my Wilkes County heritage.

  I spent most of the two days in the booth with yarn and talking to knitters and was on overload at the end of the weekend.  This is only a small sample of everything that was there.  There were lectures and classes inside the exhibit halls, a Bizarre Bazaar for vendors of hand-crafted items, a Swap-o-Rama for used clothing and sewing machines set up to make alterations.  One of my favorite crafters made silver jewelry designed after molecular diagrams. ( I couldn’t decide between serotonin or chocolate.)  After my 8-5, uptight, buttoned-up, corporate job being at Maker Faire was like being on vacation.  It was an enormous relief not to talk to anyone about anything remotely medical.  I have resolved to make an effort to hang around more people who appreciate this kind of thing in order to keep my sanity intact and my outlook balanced.

 

 

Vacation Stories: Merlefest

Meh. If I had wanted heat and crowds I would have stayed in the Bay Area.

Merlefest is the largest Americana music festival in the South. It was founded 22 years ago in memory of Doc Watson’s son, Merle, after he was killed in an accident. If you don’t know who Doc Watson is google him.

Starting on the Monday night before the festival officially opens on Thursday the Wilkes Acoustic Folk Society leads free, unadvertised jams every evening on the festival grounds. IMHO, that is when you hear the best music. There is a lot of local musical talent in Wilkes County, many with international reputations, and this is the best place to hear them. They are relaxed and playing for fun, not for an audience. Festival performers also tend to drop in and you will hear everything from old-time to blues to rock. Emmylou Harris may show up, or the Kruger Brothers, or the Lovell Sisters, you never know who is going to sit down in the circle.  My favorites are the old-timers who have been back-porch picking all their lives. Unless they are working at the festival, you may not hear these people again after Wednesday night.  This is also the time to see some fine home-made instruments.  One of the members of WAFS has a 2 year waiting list for one of his guitars.

Once Merlefest starts I like to spend time hanging out at the picking tents.  Again, they are open jams lead by WAFS.  Performers sit in often.  This year Duck Holmes wandered by and demonstrated Bentonia blues.  You may not see many locals there unless they are working with WAFS and the mix is very different from earlier in the week.  I saw a little guy, maybe 10 or 12 years old, sit down with a mandolin and pin everybody’s ears back. Sierra Hull sat in one session, asked to swap mandolins with one of the other players for a number, and I thought he was going to faint.

A long-haired, bearded, yet very clean-cut young man hung out at the edges of the circle.  He was obviously not a local and as soon as he opened his instrument case I could tell he was a “violinist”, not a “fiddler.”  He was obviously classically trained as his tuning and fingering were nothing like the other fiddlers.  He was also not familiar with old-time music.  It was interesting to watch him evolve and loosen up as he learned the songs.

Sewerfest is a gathering of campers at the water treatment plant who play together at night after Merlefest.  I did not get to go by this year.  Maybe next time.  There is a well-known musician/luthier from Finland whose name I can’t pronounce who raffles one of his guitars at Sewerfest every year to pay his way to Merlefest.  I heard him play at one of the jams one night and the boy has Doc’s licks down.

There is a small, unadvertised, festival that happens in Wilkes in October aptly named Carolina in the Fall.  It is advertised by word of mouth and is very informal and not as structured as Merlefest.  You never know who is going to show up there.  I’ve been trying to get to it for the past few years and have not been able to get off work.  Maybe this year.

I also saw an advertisement for “Chickenfest” while I was there.  Apparently it is a gathering of musicians sponsored by the local poultry producer. That is one that will require further investigation.  As the poultry processing plant is one of the largest employers in the area and having worked there myself I can only imagine what that will involve.

Re-entry

Moving between a large urban area with a population over 6 million and a rural county of 65 thousand can lead to a little bit of culture shock. I’m back from vacation, jet-lagged, exhausted, and already homesick for NC. I saw green grass, experienced thunderstorms, heard good music, shopped like a fool, and caught up with people I have not seen in over 30 years. I need to process all of my various adventures and have spent the morning writing about them. The post turned into one long purge and I deleted it. I’m not sure yet what I’m going to do about it, think about it a while before I spill my guts. I have lots of stories to tell, am just not sure what format to put them in. One long post divided into sections or lots of little posts?

It Is What It Is

It’s a shame that I have gone back to a regular sitting practice in response to stress after 10 years away from the cushion. I’m sorry I ever gave up the habit but I found it intimidating to live with someone who doesn’t understand the process. My loss.  I was too lazy to deal with the distraction.

Anyway. . . .I bought myself a buckwheat filled zafu and a zabuton and I plop myself down once in a while and sit there doing what the monks call “riding the breath”.  I have become a beginner again.  One of my teachers would say that is the right way to approach the cushion, always as a beginner. 

The technique I practice the most, vipassana, is also called “insight meditation” and it is called that for a reason.  There will be days when it is a struggle to sit there and other days when the insights come so fast and furious you get high from the endorphins.  The trick is not to grasp at any of it, not to cling, not to try to hold on to anything.

This morning was one of those “duh” moments.  I found myself wondering why I ever forgot and laughing at the way I have been trapped.  I used to work with a guy who had the Second Noble Truth tattooed on his wrist.  I may follow his example.  ”Suffering comes from attachment.” 

I have been stressed and suffering because of my job.  Why?  Because of attachment to outcomes, of wanting to control, of  wanting things to be different from what they are.  No wonder I have been driving myself bonkers.  The old monkey mind has had full rein, jumping around and screeching, grasping and clinging.  I’ve wasted too much time and energy resisting the circumstances rather than just dealing with them.  Too much time whining, too much emotion and ego tied up in it.  Okay. . . breathe in. . . breathe out. . . one. . . .breathe in. . . breathe out. . . two. . .thinking. . . breathe in. . .breathe out. . .one. . . breathe in. . .breathe out. . . two. . . sensation. . . acknowledge the thought, don’t react. . . .breathe in. . . .breathe out. . . one. . . breathe  in. . . breathe out. . . two. . . watch to see how far I can get before losing count. . . . . thinking, thinking, thinking. . . .let it go. . . breathe in. . .breathe out. . . one. . . . . . .

Some Days I Think This Is All Too True

Inner Peace

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can get going without pep pills,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

….Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!

General Update And Random Muttering

2:30 in the morning!! 2 effing 30 in the morning!!!  Wide awake!  For 2 weekends in a row now!  When one of my greatest joys in life is turning off the alarm clock on Friday night and sleeping in on Saturday!!  Like my Dad used to say, ” I had a case of the big-eye.”  Once I’m awake I can’t go back to sleep.  It wouldn’t be so bad if I weren’t feeling every minute of it.  No amount of caffeine will erase the fatigue.  Whine…whine…whine.

So. . . what do I do? Try to go back to sleep, give up and get up, play around on Facebook, cruise Ravelry, flip through TV channels (no movies, other programing is asinine), knit (tired of the Hatfield sweater, too much stockinette,  so I try a new cast-on for toe-up socks, gotta loosen up some), drink coffee, take photos of my new red chucks, blog.

So here is what is going on with me these days. . . .

There are ears in my clinic, meaning 2 part-time employees who also work in other clinics and who tell Bosslady everything that goes on when they are with me.  I decided to take advantage of that and had a good whine-fest with them telling them how discouraged and depressed I was, how I felt sliced to ribbons the last time Bosslady was there, how I have been busting my ass and all I have been hearing about is my poor “communication skills” and nothing about what I have been doing right.  And what do you know. . .Bosslady spent a day with me this week and was encouraging and supportive and complimentary.  I wanted to say, “Who are you and what have you done with Bosslady?”.  It was a true Jekyll and Hyde transformation, not the same person at all.

I have to brag a little.  The 2008 clinic outcomes report was distributed to the medical directors recently and of the 12 clinics in our division my clinic was number 1 in all categories but 2, and then we were in the top 4 and better than the national average in our lowest category.  The corporate medical director wants to know what I am doing and to tell the truth, I’m not sure if I know how to tell him.  I treat the patients like they are people and make sure they understand the whole picture concerning their disease and treatments.  Don’t other nurses do that?  He is due to visit the clinic in the next few weeks and if he asks me I’m tempted to tell him I subscribe to the Andy Griffith School of Management.

I have to leave Friday morning for Houston for the Annual Dialysis Conference, an event I have been dreading ever since I was told it was mandatory that I attend last fall.  It’s a big, big deal with all the international big names in nephrology attending.  I have to schmooze and be social and make nice and glad-hand and be on my best behavior and go to receptions and fancy dinners.  Not my favorite activities.  I’m wondering if I dare wear my new bright red Converse oxfords with the navy blue business suit.

I heard from an old boyfriend through Facebook.  It has been almost 40 years.  I didn’t realize how far I have diverged from Wilkes County until we began swapping messages.  I want to go back to the area when I retire to be near my brother and sister  but I wonder if I haven’t been a little spoiled living in urban areas for so long.

A bunch of the knitters are going to Stitches West in Santa Cruz tomorrow.  I’m really looking forward to it.  Hanging out with that group of women is the best therapy I could do.  They keep me sane.

The rest of the world is awake now.  Time to go run errands. . . .post-office, drug-store, Macy’s, Safeway. . . .

Oh, Okay. . . 25 Things

I’m new to Facebook and have been tagged with the 25 Random Things meme.  I’m going to try to import this into  the Notes section.  I’m not sure if I know 25 people to tag.  If you feel inclined to play jump in.

!.  I’m more of an introvert than I thought.  If  you are into Myers-Briggs I’m an INFJ.

2.  I don’t like yellow clothing.

3.  Lithium shut down my thyroid.

4.  I can’t go to sleep without reading for a couple of hours first.  I average 3 or 4 books a week.

5.  I have been a right-wing, charismatic, evangelical Christian  but I was brought up as an Episcopalian, took refuge vows as a Buddhist in 1993.

6.  I’m a closet mountain dulcimer player.

7.  I think Zen is hilarious.

8.  I have been trained in vipassana, tonglen, lojhong, and dzogchen meditation so don’t give me crap about “relaxation techniques” and “stress managment”, true meditation is neither.  Some of the hardest, most painful  work I have ever done has been while sitting on a meditation cushion.

9.  A career as a nurse did not occur to me until I was 20.

10.  I can’t operate a point and shoot camera and can barely use a cellphone.

11.   I wanted children very much but refused to be a single mother.  By the time I was in a stable relationship I was too old.  I found out later that I would not have been able to get pregnant easily anyway.

12.  I lived in New Orleans from 1984-1990.  My friends and I used to speculate on what would happen if a hurricane hit the city.  We were right.

13.  The first thing I ever remember wanting to be when I grew up was an artist.

14.  I get extremely annoyed when other women start telling stories about their labor and childbirth, potty training is a close second.

15.  I’m not obsessive-compulsive about knitting although I enjoy it.

16.  One of my greatest joys in life is turning off the alarm clock on Friday nights.

17.  I spent 2 years working in a poultry processing plant. To this day I avoid eating chicken if the parts are identifiable.

18.  My very first job ever was as a short-order cook/ waitress in a drug-store cafe.  I made $1.25 an hour and thought I was rich.

19.  I have been a vegetarian and would do it again if it weren’t so much work.  I eat meat now because I am lazy.  I don’t particularly like it.

20.  I was married once when I was young and stupid.  It didn’t last long.

21.  I seduced Himself during a hurricane 10 yeara ago and have lived in sin for the past 9.  We see no end to it.

22.  I look forward to the day I have my own compost pile again.

23.  I saw a pair of mergansers on the pond in my complex recently.

24.  I have never traveled much and feel no burning desire to.

25.  I am addicted to Diet Coke.

I Feel So Good It Can’t Be Real

Today I feel the best I’ve felt in 6 months. It’s such a dramatic change from the recent state of mind that I’m suspicious, wondering if my bi-polar self is headed toward a manic episode. Trust me, mania feels good while you are on the way up but when you peak it’s like being locked in a room full of televisions all on different channels and at full volume.   I’ve been so depressed and stressed lately that I would not be surprised if I rebounded.  Thank Dog for my meds.

Sad, isn’t it? To be suspicious of feeling good. For once, I’m not tense and brooding, whining and anxious. I’m wondering how long it will take to lose the positive vibe once I get back to work. This is the third day of a long weekend and I am just now feeling human again after 2 days of being immobile.  There is something to be said for sleeping for 2 days and staring at the rain.  Maybe I’m finally starting to put the work thing in perspective.

Going back to knitting group on Wednesday night was a big help.  I hadn’t been in months.  Major mistake.  I need regular contact with intelligent people who are not nurses or doctors or patients.

Another thing I have done is contact the Employee Assistance Program and get a referral to a therapist.  I don’t know yet if it will be a long-term thing or not as I haven’t had my first appointment.  I need some help processing the past 6 months and learning how to deal with Bosslady.   I spent most of my adult life in and out of therapy and I was thinking I was through with it, but apparently not.  It’s been at least 10 years so it’s probably time for a tune-up anyway.

Himself says I can talk to him instead.  I appreciate the offer but her hears too much as it is and he is not exactly objective.  I appreciate his pragmatism and good sense and it’s nice to rant about work without having to explain it.  One of the benefits of living with another dialysis nurse.  I expect I will spend a good bit of time translating what I am talking about for this new therapist.

Well. . .whatever is going on. . .I want to hang on to it.  The iPod is in the player and I’m listening to my favorite music, I’ve been piddling around in the kitchen trying a new recipe, reading, knitting a little, and playing on Facebook.  Days like this have been too rare lately.